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He: Excerpts from Faded Diary Pages (1)

An unknown summer evening:
He has learned to play with the guitar strings as he told her once. Now he is irreplaceable even if he wants the opposite to happen. Is it some sort of punishment? Was there really nothing at all? Then why is she in tears every other night of retrospection? Why does she still remember exactly how it felt when she felt? She tried to ask him but with no answers. He always remained silent. Should she name it his indifference? Maybe there was nothing at all. Then what makes her feel it exactly how it was years ago? Again, she knows she is only asking her blank self all these blank questions. Why would she feel it so fresh even after years? She had had some of the best bonds and relations for half a decade and some even beyond. But not a single time of it can she recall how she felt then. But him? She feels the exact way it was years ago. What is wrong with her? Is it pure rubbish? An act of acute stupidity? Or her blind imagination?

But then, that's not how she is or conducts herself in any possible manner. Is there any sign? A hidden meaning perhaps? Or an ignored agenda? What should she name it? Her leftover immature self mocking at her apprehensions? Was there really nothing to reflect? Was she really next to nothing for him? Then why can't that feeling just go and fade into oblivion like any other faded glory? It just does not die, not just yet. Is she being infatuated? Well, she has crossed past that phase decades or rather centuries ago. Is she being thought? Missed maybe? Why would he invoke unexpected tears? Is she being hypnotized? Or what is it? Who will answer? Who will respond?

At times it becomes so terribly difficult to swallow that emotion she almost chokes on floods of tears without inhibition. They break loose all paths possible. Why would he lie? Why would he back out? Why would he refuse to see or hear her even once? Is she that annoying? She doesn't even know why she is questioning so much into a blankness so real. Is she wasting her time, energy and tears? Maybe she is but it's not in her hands to react that way. There are times like this when it's not in her hands to stop or start those tears. They ooze out from the deepest corners. Was there any possibility? She had asked him but he didn't ever reply. She can't stop herself asking those questions. She can't help herself getting any answers from him. What is she supposed to do? Such a thing never happened to her. Nor to anyone she knows. She doesn't even know what she is scribbling now. Maybe she has lost her senses. At times like this she does. Maybe she is weird. She knows she is. And so does he. He can even read her mind from her distant voice. He can feel exactly how she feels. Then what went so terribly wrong? Will he ever answer? Will he? If he didn't intend to stay, why would he return?
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