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The Stare

It was silent. As always. I guess I had understood its language back when he visited my den for the first time. It was a casual 'Hi how are you' meeting. And was kind of cute. We did a lot of talking about almost everything. I was never a good speaker. I still believe so. But I was and am a good listener. I don't remember exactly what we talked about but it was warm and comforting. I remember more about something silent that happened that day. In between those words of casual talks, there were those silent stares every now and then. Maybe it was my imagination but it felt so real. So real that I'm kind of stuck with it even today. And it feels comforting even now.

We didn't keep in touch regularly. Maybe because we never had so many words to share and exchange. I always wanted to speak to him but could never find the right words. Or maybe the time was never right for the words. Although I hardly believe in anything right or wrong with time, it sure was not the right time for me. We faded into oblivion, and so did the memories. But that silent stare would keep coming back haunting me with something warm and comforting almost every time. Haunting and comforting do not gel well, but it does for that stare. It's like the occasional roar in the waves, keeps coming in my dreams or even in the most celebrated solitude. Somehow it still comforts me. There was something in that stare. It never spoke to  me. Maybe because it was not for real to him. But it was for me. I still wonder what was on his mind that day. Maybe there was nothing at all. But I feel comfort in that nothingness. I still do.

The seasons of the sun brought new mornings and evenings all these years. I moved on to places and people, friends and loved ones. That silence was no longer staring at me. Maybe because I was ignoring the shadow for a while. But I knew it was somewhere there, still staring at me silently. It indeed came back to me after a long gap. We spoke briefly, the usual stuff. Nothing changed all this while. I somehow felt there was no stare at all. It was a myth I assumed and be happy about. But it still feels warm and comforting. I guess I like it that way, stuck with the silent stare silently. Maybe it was not for real, but it still instills a beautiful story of love and unspoken yearnings. I would like to remember it that way.
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