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The other me

Sometimes, I surprise myself. Like the other day I was watering my plants and could not stop my own tears that rolled down without giving me any inkling of it. It had been a dry spell of months without a single drop of rain. My plants were dying. It made my heart sink a little and even before I could realize, the tears came down. And tonight I am crying again, as it's a heavy downpour. My plants won't have to die. They are my plants even though I didn't bring them. They have been here much before I moved in. The previous tenants had planted them years ago, I'm told by the owner of the house I live in. They were dying out of water. I would water them every second or third day. I could so strongly feel their pain. The dry and peeled-off skins from the water-apple tree carried wrinkles of love it once boasted so proudly. The lush green was long gone turning into neglected and abandoned grey, even charred remains at certain parts of its branches due to scorching heat for days continuously. Tonight it is raining without any inhibition, letting all the pent-up emotions out, and I don't complain at all. Let my plants get drenched and drowned in the rain. With them I shared my tears of pain then and of happiness now. I definitely surprise myself.

At times I do talk to the speechless trees, hillocks on my way to work. In fact, I do that twice every single day. I do feel a connection there. Like the one I felt with the dead remains of a stray dog lying lifeless near the junction. Dead animals on the road are not burried or removed here. They are left there until the remains dry out, turn into ashes and disappear. I could feel the large lump within at the sight. Where do their souls go? Maybe they roam around the greens, or stay near their abandoned bodies to guard. How painful that could be! The dead dog's sight on the highway junction would make me feel its pain every time I crossed it. Slowly, my pain disappeared turning into a silent smile. I started greeting it every passing day trying to comfort its soul that there is at least someone in this world who thought of you today, at this moment. I would always say Hi with a smile to the remains. I began to feel that connection with its invisible soul. Not that I believe in the weird stuff of the other world or whatsoever to name it, but for the simple fact that this animal did have a life before it got killed, maybe hit by some trucks or speeding cars at night. It obviously had a life. Maybe it had a family too. And now it's gone. Somehow, it's so similar to what humans do and have. And so the connection. Months after I felt that connection and familiarity, the dry spell began and so did the days of no rain and only a boiling sun. It further dried up the remains of that dead stray dog. I could see ashes of it soon. And then one fine morning the junction welcomed me with a clean road as if nothing ever existed there. The ashes were gone. The charred remains of the dead dog disappeared. That conenction was gone. I don't know what would have happened to that invisible soul but it made me feel that lump within again. Maybe I missed seeing it and was trying to get used to an empty junction. Was it weird? I don't think so.

It is very humane to feel all of such connections. We humans do experience the same feelings about life and after-life. Such experiences evoke similar strings of connections within. So I find all of it very normal, ordinary and yet so wonderful, amazing. The realization that I could strongly feel such connections in my heart is what makes it so extraordinary. I am not a great vision to others but to my own self, that realization makes my being stand apart from anyone else and thus making an extraordinary image of my individuality - something which makes me bow humbly to my own self in respect. That feeling is extraordinary. That surprise is enriching. Amd I wish earnestly to keep that spirit within and nurture it to be even better than now. Amen.

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